Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships · Multiamory | Pleasure Podcasts

559 - The Struggle of Loneliness

·1 hr 12 min·1 clip

The episode opens with one host admitting that she sometimes judges men more harshly for their own loneliness, even while recognizing that men should probably feel more able to talk face to face, open up, and get together just to talk. She also describes a physical resistance to doing that herself and wonders whether it is socialized rather than chosen. At the same time, she says there are men in her life she can reach out to for support, even if she does not have much of a regular habit of checking in with male friends the way she does with female friends. From there, the conversation shifts into a broader discussion of loneliness as a cultural issue, not only an individual mood. The hosts note that loneliness has been in the headlines for several years, with the pandemic sitting in the background as part of why the topic stayed visible. They then move into research and the uneven ways loneliness is interpreted. A study comes up showing that people were less condemning of a lonely woman than of a lonely man, which the hosts connect to a broader tendency to assign hyper-agency to men. In that framing, men are treated as though they should be able to move, fix, and change their situation on command, which can make loneliness look like a moral failure instead of a shared human condition. The discussion also points to the fact that the social scripts discouraging men from admitting loneliness can make it harder for them to build the very connections that would help. Later, the hosts push beyond the question of how many close friends someone has and toward the lived reality of who actually checks in, who gets called for support, and who receives the steady care of a simple "how are you feeling?" By the end, the episode has become a careful map of loneliness that ties together stigma, friendship patterns, and the ordinary work of staying in touch.

As heard by us

A clear look at loneliness, with a sharp read on how gender scripts shape who asks for help.

Multiamory treats loneliness as a social problem instead of a personal flaw. It pairs recent headlines with research to show the gap between how often loneliness shows up and how it gets expressed.

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Why you'd press play

When loneliness feels gendered, this gives you language for the pattern.

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