Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships · Multiamory | Pleasure Podcasts

551 - My Partner Dates People Just Like Me: Listener Q&A

·56 min·3 clips

The hosts say a partner’s repeated attraction to trans men can raise the question of fetishization.

1. Multiamory #551 focuses on a listener question about jealousy when a partner dates people who seem “too similar.” 2. Jace, Emily, and Dedeker host the episode and frame it as a listener Q&A about non-monogamy, jealousy, and comparison. 3. The episode asks whether the listener can become “more genuinely and wholeheartedly non-monogamous” while feeling territorial and insecure. 4. The listener is a trans man whose cis boyfriend has been with him for almost two years and has dated other trans men. 5. The listener says the relationship had “seriously rocky beginnings” but has been more stably “in love and lust” for about one year. 6. The hosts separate the question into six parts, including similarity, aging, hookup success, cis privilege, newness, and self-worth. 7. One concern is that dating people similar to the listener makes him fear he is interchangeable or replaceable. 8. Another concern is the fear that a younger partner could replace him because the listener is also worried about aging. 9. The listener also feels jealous that his boyfriend has easier access to hookups with the kind of men the listener wants. 10. The hosts note the tension between the boyfriend’s cis male privilege and the listener’s trans man experience. 11. Emily says the fear of being replaced by “younger and hotter” people is not exclusive to non-monogamy. 12. Dedeker recalls being startled by partners who date people with her same “brand of specialness,” such as podcasting or speaking Japanese. 13. The hosts suggest that similarity can feel threatening because it activates the fear of being “just another one on the pile.” 14. They also point out that a partner’s interest in similar people can simply mean the partner has a type. 15. The discussion turns to whether the pattern could be fetishization, and the hosts recommend curiosity instead of accusation. 16. They compare this to other hard questions about attraction patterns, including race and rare physical traits. 17. Emily describes comparing her own looks to younger people as a “little circuit breaker” that reminds her she will die. 18. Dedeker says the tone of the episode is conversational, self-disclosing, and repeatedly steered back after side trips into jokes and personal examples. 19. People who deal with jealousy in non-monogamy, trans dating, or comparison anxiety would likely get the most from it. 20. People wanting a quick answer without reflection on insecurity or desirability politics may skip it.

As heard by us

A thoughtful look at aging, comparison, and the work of meeting jealousy with compassion.

This conversation treats comparison with younger people as more than a passing insecurity. It lingers on aging, the shifts it brings to a relationship, and the way jealousy can sit beside tenderness without canceling either feeling.

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Why you'd press play

For when your partner's dating choices wake up every comparison you've ever made.

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