What Real Change Actually Feels Like (From the Therapist’s Chair)

·44 min·4 clips

Cody reveals why clients feel terrible after setting boundaries for the first time.

Host Kristen Walker introduces the episode by stating the goal is to normalize mental health discussions. She welcomes therapist and somatics practitioner Cody Gauthier, noting they've known each other since 2018. Kristen mentions she invited Cody after seeing his TikTok about therapists witnessing client change. Cody explains the video aimed to show what it's like from the therapist's chair when clients move through stages of therapeutic change and start to embody healing. He describes how change often feels weird and brings collateral like conflict or dysregulation, causing clients to question it. Cody talks about the art of therapy being holding space for that discomfort. The conversation shifts to ending therapy, with Cody comparing time-limited settings where goodbyes are ceremonial to private practice where it's a more relational conversation about moving to bi-weekly sessions. He notes the therapy room becomes an anchoring space in maintenance. Kristen asks how Cody became so sensitive as a male therapist. Cody shares he spent years masking and is in recovery from an eating disorder. He grew up with many female influences and was the only guy in his friend group who received honest feedback from girls. Cody discusses his current work on becoming more assertive and tolerating healthy conflict. Kristen asks if he ever thinks of his personal experiences as data for clients; Cody says he reflects on his own therapy in the moment. He explains how therapists get triggered and try to control sessions, justifying it as telling hard truths. The discussion touches on changes in mental health and addiction treatment, with Cody noting newer modalities view addiction as a necessary adaptation to unsafe conditions. He describes somatic therapy, explaining trauma responses using a tiger analogy and how pent-up energy discharges. Kristen circles back to ambiguity with men, and Cody says men often intellectualize feelings; he builds compassion for that part before moving to the body. He observes men in therapy often feel incompetent, underappreciated, and ambivalent about their roles, sometimes sent by partners. Kristen and Cody discuss gender dynamics, with women feeling empowered to be alone and men struggling to meet emotional expectations. They plan a future show to continue these conversations. Cody shares where to find him online, and Kristen closes the episode.

As heard by us

A candid, reflective look at staying present when conflict makes pulling away feel familiar.

The episode sits in the unsettled middle of emotional change, following Cody Gauthier as he notices his own reactions during conflict with his partner.

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Why you'd press play

You want change to feel livable when a close relationship gets messy.

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