Linda's Corner: Inspiration for a Better Life

Navigating Bonus Families: Love, Acceptance, and Conflict Resolution with Dr. Jann Blackstone

·43 min·4 clips

Dr. Jann Blackstone explains how her bonus daughter's reaction to being called a stepdaughter led to creating a new family term.

The episode begins with Dr. Jann Blackstone explaining how the term 'bonus family' originated from her personal experience as a stepmother. She describes how her bonus daughter reacted negatively to being called a stepdaughter, leading her and the child's biological mother to create the more positive term 'bonus.' Host Linda Bjork shares her personal connection to the topic, with one daughter marrying a divorcee with four children and another daughter dealing with her ex's new engagement. Dr. Blackstone reveals statistics showing more bonus families than conventional two-parent families in her court experience. She emphasizes that children personalize bad-mouthing of their parents, seeing criticism of one parent as criticism of half of themselves. The discussion covers how divorce uproots children's lives in ways parents often overlook, from changing bedrooms to leaving pets behind. Dr. Blackstone provides guidance on introducing new partners to children, suggesting biological parents should inform each other about dating before involving children. She explains that acceptance of differences is key in bonus families, using a cooking analogy about not blending ingredients until they become homogenized. The conversation includes Dr. Blackstone's four-step conflict resolution model: identify the problem, come with a solution, negotiate, and compromise. She distinguishes between 'moving on' and 'moving forward,' explaining that moving forward keeps you in the present without requiring resolution of past issues. Dr. Blackstone shares emotional stories from her book, including one about twins where a father cried 'they're my babies too' when learning proper care techniques. She discusses how fear drives conflict between co-parents, with parents worrying their children might prefer the other household. The episode concludes with Dr. Blackstone emphasizing that children can love multiple parental figures without diminishing their love for biological parents.

As heard by us

A warm, practical conversation about reframing family ties and protecting children as divorce changes the household.

This episode looks at how families can preserve respect and care after divorce, starting with Dr. Jan Blackstone's shift from "stepfamily" to "bonus family" after noticing the discomfort the older term could carry.

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

When divorce remixes the family, you may want a calmer script for dating, co-parenting, and belonging.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from Linda's Corner: Inspiration for a Better Life