Family, Shame, and Becoming Yourself Part 2 | Legally Clueless Ep360

·55 min·5 clips

Hekaya confronts her boyfriend about terminating the pregnancy amid tribal differences and family expectations.

This episode of Legally Clueless features host Adele Onyango continuing a deeply personal conversation with her guest, Hekaya, about family, shame, and self-discovery. Hekaya recounts discovering an unplanned pregnancy during her second year of university while on a five-day hiking trip in Taita. She describes physical symptoms like extreme fatigue and swollen legs, which she initially attributed to the climate, before taking multiple positive pregnancy tests. Her boyfriend at the time reacted by evaluating options like getting a job or involving his parents, while Hekaya immediately decided on termination. They visited a reputable private hospital where a doctor abrasively questioned if they had tried to terminate on their own, prompting them to leave. A friend then connected them to a supportive clinic named Marry Don't Stop, which had positive, choice-affirming messaging on its walls. At this clinic, a compassionate doctor provided a scan, discussed options, and prescribed medication for the termination after confirming Hekaya was spotting. The financial and logistical support came entirely from her boyfriend, though he had initially wanted to keep the pregnancy. Hekaya felt profound relief after the procedure but noticed her boyfriend struggled emotionally, later turning to drug abuse and missing classes for two weeks. Internally, Hekaya grappled with intense shame and self-criticism, chastising herself for not using contraceptives in the 21st century and fearing judgment as a university student. She kept the experience a secret for years, only later sharing her story in writing with a global child-free community. The experience solidified her identity as someone who does not want children, a realization she first voiced to her boyfriend a month after the termination. During the COVID-19 lockdowns, Hekaya entered a depressive period she calls her "dark night of the soul," which began her healing journey through psychology resources like The Holistic Psychologist. Her path included two years of celibacy, intensive inner work on childhood trauma, and unlearning Christian conditioning. Hekaya connects her child-free stance to observing women in her Murang'a community lose their identities to motherhood, becoming known only as "Mama [Child's Name]." She now intentionally calls her siblings by their names, not "Mama," to honor their pre-motherhood identities. In recent social situations, like a 2023 lunch with older colleagues, she finds her child-free decision met with skepticism and prompts repeated questioning about her resolve. The episode's tone is intimate, confessional, and reflective, structured as a monologue-style narrative. Listeners who appreciate raw, personal stories about reproductive choices, mental health journeys, and challenging societal expectations around family would find this compelling. Those seeking light entertainment or who are uncomfortable with detailed discussions of abortion and personal trauma might choose to skip it.

As heard by us

An intimate account of choice, relief, and the grief that can trail behind support.

Legally Clueless follows Hekaya's second-part story with plain-spoken care, tracing an unexpected pregnancy, the clinic visit that came after, and the decision to terminate it.

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Why you'd press play

Play this if you want a candid story about an unexpected pregnancy, the choice to terminate it, and the relief that followed.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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