Law Enforcement Talk: True Crime and Trauma Stories · John "Jay" Wiley, Bleav

Her College Son’s Death: A Much Needed and Tough Conversation

October 22, 2025·39 min·3 clips

Melissa's son Parker looked her in the eyes and said, 'Mom, Alex is dead,' a moment she'll never forget.

This episode features host John J. Wiley, a retired police sergeant, in conversation with Melissa Botorf-Ary, a grief coach and podcaster who lost her son to suicide. They discuss the traumatic impact of suicide loss and Melissa's mission to support others. Melissa's 21-year-old son, Alex, died by suicide on August 7, 2016, while he was a college student. Alex had no prior history of mental health treatment and showed none of the classic warning signs like isolation or defeatist talk. Melissa recounts that Alex was in a good mood when he left home just eight days before his death, even reassuring her he would visit soon. In a harrowing moment, Melissa describes how her younger son, Parker, had to deliver the news of Alex's death after receiving a call from Alex's best friend. John relates to the difficulty of death notifications from his police career, calling Parker's burden "horrifying." Melissa explains the first few years after the loss were spent in shock, leading her family to sell their home and businesses to travel. She founded "The Leftover Pieces" podcast to create the resource she couldn't find: a community for suicide loss survivors, particularly parents. Melissa emphasizes that connecting with another mother who lost a child to suicide was uniquely powerful, more so than standard therapy. She notes that many well-meaning people say hurtful things like "you still have other children," which grievers must navigate. The conversation touches on how suicide loss often causes friendships to dissolve, as some people cannot confront such profound tragedy. Melissa and her husband weathered the grief together, though she acknowledges his role as a stepparent made their dynamic different. A key insight is that one must "embrace the life you never wanted," as there are no do-overs. Melissa admits her advocacy work is both selfless and selfish, as it remains part of her own healing journey. The tone is raw, compassionate, and educational, blending personal narrative with practical guidance on grief. Listeners who have experienced traumatic loss or work in support roles will find profound value in this dialogue. Those seeking light entertainment or who are sensitive to discussions of suicide and intense grief should approach with caution.

As heard by us

A blunt, compassionate conversation about grief, survival, and what comes after unbearable loss.

This episode centers on a mother speaking about her son's suicide and the way that loss reshaped her family life. The host stays plainspoken and direct, and his retired police sergeant background gives the conversation a steady, unsentimental tone.

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Why you'd press play

A grief coach talks about losing her son to suicide and using that pain to help others.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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