It's A Lot with Abbie Chatfield · Abbie Chatfield

CHRIS PARKER'S NMF: "My Anal Virginity Story"

April 9, 2026·29 min·2 clips

Chris Parker offers to tell his anal virginity story, calling it a beautiful tale.

It starts on Gadigal land. After the acknowledgment, the room slips straight into theatre kid radar, pointed toes, big energy, and the strange little thrill of being somewhere your childhood self would have loved. He is pinching himself. The basement becomes a kind of fantasy comfort zone for a closeted kid: women around him, jokes flying, and a safety he used to want all the time. Then the memory gets less neat. Coming out at 21 or 22, he talks about arriving late to gay spaces and feeling like everyone else already knew the rules. The pool analogy works because it is so plain. People act like they understand the chalk, the stance, the whole routine, while quietly having no idea what they are doing. From there, the story gets intimate. He heads toward a first major sexual milestone with the very specific panic of someone trying to seem relaxed while everything inside is ringing. A few dates have gone well. The night feels like it has a direction. Then the door opens, and the pants take over. The pants are the villain. Not loud in a fun way. Not odd enough to be charming. Mum-made, market-stall, balloon-shaped chaos. Desire simply leaves the room. She keeps working the bit, asking how bad pants can really be, pushing the picture until it becomes absurd enough to loop back around to painful. That is where the story lands best. A dumb visual gag turns into something sharper about late blooming, pretending you know the script, and dragging embarrassment with you into desire. By the end, the conversation has spun into disorientation, nuclear fallout, billionaires with bunkers, fish fingers, and one callback nobody wants to drop.

As heard by us

A funny coming-out chat that turns first-time chaos into something tender.

This conversation turns late-coming-out nerves into a sharp, funny debrief. It keeps coming back to the same feeling: showing up late to queer scenes, pretending to know the steps, and then getting knocked sideways by how awkward a first time can really be.

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Why you'd press play

Late-to-the-game queer nerves, club chaos, and a pants entrance you will not forget.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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