Overcoming Betrayal Trauma with Mr. J

·47 min·4 clips

Mr. J's first panic attack after his father's death led him to uncover his own childhood trauma and a new career.

The episode begins with an ad for Shopify, followed by an introduction from host Dr. Doug, who welcomes guest Mr. J. Mr. J explains his background as a youth worker and teacher before adopting children and staying home. After his father's sudden death, he experienced a panic attack and discovered unhealed childhood trauma, leading him to study betrayal trauma. He became certified through a program and now coaches clients, primarily dealing with spousal infidelity. Mr. J defines trauma as 'too much too soon' and betrayal trauma as harm from a primary attachment, such as a spouse, employer, or even one's own body. He highlights three differences: betrayal trauma is a secret society, personal, and affects the past. The discussion moves to betrayal blindness, where people ignore red flags to protect themselves, using the analogy of Little Red Riding Hood. Dr. Doug asks about triggers, and Mr. J describes techniques like grounding exercises, needs assessments, and engaging the frontal cortex with math facts. He uses a balloon-and-nail metaphor to explain how triggers evolve over time from manure to glitter. The conversation explores forgiveness, with Mr. J emphasizing self-forgiveness first and defining it as a journey, not a one-time event. He notes that about 70% of couples rebuild stronger relationships after infidelity, viewing it as a 'gift wrapped in the worst packaging.' Mr. J discusses the work required for both parties, including exploring childhood trauma and epigenetic factors. The episode concludes with Mr. J sharing his website for free resources and a final message about stopping suffering from pain.

As heard by us

A grounded conversation about betrayal trauma as something managed over time, not neatly overcome.

Betrayal trauma is treated as something that rarely offers a tidy ending. The episode first widens the frame beyond romance, naming an unjust firing as a form of betrayal many people might not immediately recognize, then moves into infidelity and the way technology has changed…

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

You want to understand why betrayal can still hurt years later, and how someone might begin making sense of it.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from Inspire Vision Podcast