How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes with Melinda Wenner Moyer

·41 min·4 clips

Indre Viscontis admits she's raising an asshole and needs Melinda Wenner Moyer's science-based parenting book.

The episode begins with host Indre Viscontis introducing Melinda Wenner Moyer, an award-winning author and contributing editor at Scientific American. Indre shares her personal parenting struggles and interest in Melinda's book, which uses science to address raising children from tots to teens. Melinda explains she was surprised by the amount of research available on developing character and values in kids, which she discovered while writing a parenting column for Slate. They discuss the book's provocative title and how media outlets handle it. Melinda addresses parental fatigue and her aim to provide evidence-based advice without adding stress. A significant portion focuses on race: Melinda cites studies showing babies as young as three months prefer looking at adults who share their caregiver's skin color, and that white parents' silence on race can lead children to develop prejudiced assumptions. She advises white parents to have factual conversations about skin color and use books to discuss racism. The conversation shifts to bullying, with Melinda noting rates have increased since 2016 and linking this to Trump's rhetoric, referencing a study on bullying in pro-Trump districts. She discusses Albert Bandura's social learning theory and the Bobo doll experiment to explain how children imitate adults in power. Melinda emphasizes the importance of talking to kids about difficult topics to share values. She highlights the strategy of validating children's feelings to develop theory of mind, citing a study where moms who discussed feelings had more helpful preschoolers. Finally, she details a mediation technique for sibling conflicts, where parents help children share perspectives and brainstorm solutions, noting clinical trials show it reduces coercion by dominant siblings.

As heard by us

A clear look at how adult behavior and rhetoric spill into schoolyards and homes.

Inquiring Minds takes up how children pick up the language and habits of the adults around them, using concrete scenes instead of sweeping theory.

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Why you'd press play

For when the schoolyard starts echoing the adult world a little too closely.

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