ICYMI · Slate Podcasts

Encore: Nobody Wants to Party Anymore

March 11, 2026·41 min·3 clips

Sociologist Josh Laura explains why calling out 'loserdom' sparked chaos online—and why people aren't actually happy.

This episode of ICYMI explores the modern decline of socializing and "party culture" with guest Josh Laura, a sociologist and TikTok creator known as Tell the Bees. Host Kate Lindsay discusses why it feels increasingly difficult to get people to go out. Josh Laura's viral Substack essay, "The Mainstreaming of Loserdom," frames a cultural shift where staying home is seen as aspirational. Laura cites specific headlines from *The Atlantic* and *The Guardian* about an "anti-social century" and rising social flaking. He references data showing a drop in in-person socializing and romantic partnerships around 2008, coinciding with smartphones and apps. The conversation mentions the economic anxiety many cite, like $25 cocktails in New York City, as a reason for staying in. Laura describes a shift in dating culture, noting that in 2016 he went on 30 first dates in a month, a pace now considered unusual. He contrasts current behaviors with 1990s TV shows like *Friends* and *Seinfeld*, where characters were constantly out socializing. Laura identifies a defensive online reaction to his essay, with people justifying their isolation by citing cost or lost social skills from COVID-19. The discussion covers how digital tools like "maybe attending" on event apps or prolonged "talking stages" on dating apps remove social friction and accountability. Comedian John Early's special is referenced for its critique of millennial "hot mess" branding in ads for services like Postmates. Laura argues that a desire for a "frictionless life" is unhealthy and that genuine connection requires effort. He observes that admitting to having no friends or hobbies, once seen as odd, is now normalized online. The episode notes that while millennials embraced a "hot mess" persona, the current trend involves less performative joy. Laura, drawing on his sociology background, points to the *New York Times* wedding section data showing most couples now meet online. The tone is conversational and analytical, blending personal anecdote with cultural commentary. Listeners interested in sociology, internet culture, and modern dating will find this episode engaging. Those seeking purely lighthearted content or who disagree with critiques of digital life may find it less appealing.

As heard by us

A sharp, funny look at changing dating etiquette and optional-sounding plans.

It tracks the changing etiquette around flirting, clubwear confidence, and the gamble of asking someone out, and it is sharpest when it stays with the small details: business-casual club fits, the pull of a blazer, and the way maybe-attending culture makes plans feel optional.

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Why you'd press play

You want a conversation about how dating-app logic and online invite habits made in-person plans feel stranger.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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