Elizabeth Aguilera: Narcissist and Types of Narcissism
·41 min·1 clip
This episode features host Riera and guest Elizabeth Aguilera, a certified coach specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery after a 30-year corporate IT career. Aguilera explains she entered this field due to her own back-to-back relationships with an overt narcissist from ages 16 to 32 and a later covert narcissist. She identifies four primary types of narcissists: overt/grandiose, covert/vulnerable, malignant, and communal. Aguilera details common narcissistic tactics, starting with love bombing, where excessive charm and attention are used to dazzle a target early on. Future faking involves making rapid promises about a shared future to secure commitment before red flags appear. The devaluation stage follows, where the narcissist withdraws affection and uses backhanded compliments to create dependence. This cycle contributes to a trauma bond, where intermittent kindness triggers a dopamine hit in the victim's brain, creating a chemical addiction to the abuse cycle. Gaslighting is another key tactic, where the narcissist manipulates the victim into doubting their own memory and perception. Aguilera describes narcissistic supply as the emotional reactions and energy the narcissist craves, often prompting them to create chaos to elicit a response. She notes that leaving is difficult due to tactics like hoovering, where love bombing is used to suck a victim back into the relationship. A surprising insight is that narcissists often target empaths, creating a parasitic dynamic where the empath's supportive nature provides the supply the narcissist seeks. Aguilera clarifies that victims are not addicted to the person but to the dopamine hits from the intermittent reward cycle. She emphasizes that narcissists do not experience love but see others as a means to an end for gaining power and control. The path to healing begins with radical self-love and the understanding that the abuse was not the victim's fault. Aguilera recommends creating a "joy list" and performing daily acts of self-care to reconnect with oneself. Establishing no-contact or low-contact boundaries, preferably through documented means like email, is critical for recovery. The tone is educational and supportive, blending personal narrative with clear, actionable advice for listeners. The conversation is direct and compassionate, focusing on empowerment and practical strategies. This episode is ideal for anyone suspecting they are in a relationship with a narcissist or seeking to understand the dynamics of narcissistic abuse. Listeners who prefer lighthearted content or are not interested in psychological deep dives might choose to skip it.
