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Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson from The Daily Show · Comedy Central

Carpet vs. Hardwood Floors

February 23, 2023·38 min·3 clips
A memory foam mattress betrayed a cheating girlfriend with an indentation that wasn't his shape.
This episode of Hold Up features Daily Show writer Josh Johnson and comedian Dulcé Sloan debating the merits of carpet versus hardwood floors. The hosts frame the discussion as a low-stakes but universal argument about home interiors. Their conversation blends personal anecdotes with broader cultural observations about flooring choices. Dulcé Sloan advocates for carpet, citing its softness and recalling the mixed flooring in her Georgia childhood home. Josh Johnson leans toward hardwood for easier maintenance, referencing the prevalence of hard floors in modern, cheaper hotels. Sloan describes a memory foam mattress that revealed a cheating partner due to an unfamiliar body impression. Johnson argues that motels have damaged carpet's reputation by installing poorly fitted, dirty carpets that fail to reach walls. Sloan admits carpet in bathrooms is a bad idea, while Johnson notes hardwood's advantage for easy spill cleanup with products like Swiffer WetJet. The debate covers upstairs neighbor noise, with both agreeing carpet better muffles sound from units above. Sloan warns of carpet burns from accidental slips or other activities, and Johnson details the specialized upkeep carpets require, including vacuums adjusted for pile height. They humorously critique the ineffectiveness of carpet sweepers and reminisce about sweeping carpet as a childhood punishment. A story about a child with a red drink at a party illustrates the anxiety and potential for permanent stains that carpet can cause. Johnson shares an anecdote about a Roomba damaging three of his pedicures by running over his feet. Sloan recounts seeing luxurious outdoor carpet extending to a pool at Jamie Foxx's house, framing it as a symbol of extreme wealth. The hosts conclude by summarizing pros and cons: carpet wins for noise reduction and softness, while hardwood wins for easier cleaning and a modern aesthetic. The tone is consistently conversational, playful, and filled with comedic banter and personal digressions. The style is informal and anecdotal, resembling two friends passionately debating a mundane topic with hyperbolic humor. Listeners who enjoy lighthearted, humorous debates about everyday life and domestic preferences will love this episode. Those seeking a serious, data-driven analysis of home renovation or a tightly structured discussion might find it too meandering.

As heard by us

A carpet debate that finds its comedy in vacuums, sweepers, and the indignities of cleaning.

The bit turns carpet into a small domestic emergency, as Josh Johnson and a co-host drift from adult carpet burns to old vacuum pile settings, carpet sweepers, and the punishment of sweeping carpet as a kid.

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Why you'd press play

You want a carpet argument that starts with adult carpet burns and ends with old vacuums, pile settings, and the case against carpet sweepers.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →
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