Heart of Dating · That Sounds Fun Network

S15.5 Ep 269: Divorced & Dating as a Single Dad & Pastor | Kenneth Lock

·52 min·5 clips

A pastor shares how divorce forced him to question his leadership while preaching scriptures he struggled to believe.

Kenneth Lock, a pastor and chaplain for the Milwaukee Bucks, joins hosts JJ and Kate to discuss his journey of dating after a high-profile divorce. Lock, whose church recently celebrated over 20,000 salvations, got married at 19 and was divorced by 32, making singleness an unfamiliar and painful new reality. He describes how every adult memory involved his former spouse, forcing him to build a new identity beyond being a husband. Lock sought two therapists—one for personal healing and another to vet his sermons to ensure his pain didn't negatively influence his congregation. He questioned his leadership worth and struggled to preach scriptures about God's goodness while his own marriage had ended. The pastor faced public scrutiny and practical dilemmas, like where a pastor can ethically date when congregants are off-limits. He waited about a year before dating, knowing his initial cynicism and broken trust would damage any new relationship. A key insight from a Heart of Dating conference was the principle to "leave every woman better than you found them," which reshaped his approach to dating. Lock discovered through dating that he had a physical "type," contrary to his previous claim that only shared faith mattered. More importantly, he realized he craved "gentle communication," a trait he hadn't experienced growing up in a loud, strong-willed family. He explains that men often lack spaces to express vulnerability and typically only seek help after a catastrophic event like divorce. Lock believes the responsibility of pastoring forced him to pursue healing quickly to care for his congregation, whereas he might have otherwise self-medicated. He credits a strong community—including an elder board, mentors, and his ten sisters—for providing crucial accountability and support. He contrasts this with the average divorced man who often suffers in isolation without anyone checking on his well-being. The conversation highlights that men value autonomy, which they must learn to sacrifice for a partner's security, a challenge Lock found both difficult and refreshing post-divorce. He addresses the stigma of dating as a divorced person, arguing that prior marriage experience teaches sacrifice, unlike lifelong singleness. The episode is conversational, candid, and blends personal storytelling with broader relational principles. Listeners navigating post-divorce dating or leadership during personal crisis will find this episode compelling, while those seeking lighthearted dating tips might find the tone too introspective.

As heard by us

Gentleness is the episode's clearest standard for love, held together by honor, directness, and kindness.

Heart of Dating frames singleness with a steady, tender touch, helped along by Kenneth Lock's blunt humor and clear self-awareness. It keeps returning to a simple question: what helps men change and grow in singleness, especially when pain and heartbreak push the conversation…

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Why you'd press play

If you want a banter-heavy dating conversation that lands on gentle communication.

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