299. Building Trust and Intimacy

·38 min·3 clips

Caitlin kept a notebook to count her hookups, thinking she was winning but not knowing what she was losing.

Havilah introduces the episode as part of a series on relationships, specifically addressing sex and intimacy for couples. She welcomes Caitlin Zick, a pastor's wife and mother of four, who helps lead Truth Academy. Havilah shares her own background, growing up with parents who were honest about their painful experiences with sex, including her mom's widowhood and dad's past relationships and abortions. Caitlin explains her passion for the topic, stemming from her own hyper-sexualized upbringing where she tracked hookups in a notebook, thinking it made her popular but later realizing it cost her self-worth. After getting saved, she read Christian books on purity but still faced issues in marriage. Caitlin describes her honeymoon as terrible due to an undiagnosed physical issue—extra tissue that caused excruciating pain during sex for four years, only discovered during childbirth. She sought help from a Christian sex therapist who diagnosed her with PTSD from past trauma, including molestation at 16. The therapist prescribed an 18-month reset with no physical intimacy, which Caitlin and her husband Cole followed. Caitlin emphasizes the importance of not settling for less than God's best and fighting for a healthy sex life. She shares that it took 11 years of marriage to achieve pain-free, pleasurable sex every time, noting that many marriages divorce before reaching that point. The conversation turns practical, with Havilah and Caitlin discussing how women can shift from seeing sex as a duty to a desire. Tips include warming up mentally, wearing nice underclothes, setting reminders, and avoiding media that triggers past trauma. They stress the need for medical check-ups if there's pain or low libido, and recommend resources like the book 'Intimate Issues'. Havilah highlights the dangers of pornography in marriage, arguing it undermines true intimacy. The episode concludes with encouragement for listeners to seek healing and a reminder that God offers a new future.

As heard by us

A warm Christian conversation about sex, healing, and the work of pursuing a healthier intimate life.

Havilah's conversation with Caitlin Zick centers on sex, intimacy, and what it takes to live in a healthier sexual environment. The discussion turns especially tender when Caitlin describes being asked to picture a 13-year-old girl and consider what that child deserved, a prompt…

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Why you'd press play

If you want to think more honestly about sex, intimacy, faith, and the past you may still be carrying, press play.

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