Submarines, Tubby Custard and Teeth

March 30, 2026·56 min·5 clips

Molly explains how people professionally scuba dive in vats of chemical waste she calls 'tubby custard'.

This episode features hosts Hayes and Em interviewing Molly, a mechanical technician on a submarine. Hayes is a software engineer, and Em is unemployed and moving to France. Molly claims to be the world's foremost submarine expert and Jules Verne's muse. Molly reveals that crackers and all citrus fruits are banned from submarines due to crumbs and oils. She describes the submarine's interior as a six-foot diameter sphere that could uncomfortably fit about 15 people if emptied. The submarine operates with a crew that starts work at 5:30 AM and includes a standard midday nap. Molly explains they have seen only one whale, which stayed far away, and she expresses a personal distaste for whales. She details having three gigabytes of personal Wi-Fi data per day while at sea. Molly shares a story about a friend who professionally scuba dives in chemical waste vats, which they call "tubby custard." She confirms she was in Cabo during the Titanic sinking and was depressed during the Titan submersible implosion. Molly states the dentist is scarier than a submarine, despite not visiting one for six years. She claims to avoid scurvy by "being really cool" since citrus is banned on board. The hosts and guest analyze the Odyssey, arguing Odysseus hearing the sirens was a demonstration of class privilege. Molly suggests recording siren songs for equitable access. She mentions seeing real mermaids on the submarine's aft-facing camera but refuses to describe them in detail. The conversation covers topics like raw milk pasteurization, the fan fiction "Twist and Shout," and writing Vampire Diaries fanfics without prior knowledge. The tone is absurdist, conversational, and filled with comedic banter between friends. The style is loose and digressive, blending personal anecdotes with fictional claims and humorous tangents. Listeners who enjoy improvised, surreal humor and meandering conversations about niche topics would love this episode. Those seeking structured interviews or factual discussions about submarines should skip it.

As heard by us

A submarine conversation that turns dental dread and citrus rules into the episode's most memorable material.

Good Sports Podcast turns a talk with a mechanical technician on a submarine into a dry, off-kilter look at work, fear, and the rules that shape life underwater.

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Why you'd press play

If you want submarine know-how, dental panic, and a conversation that never stays polished for long, press play.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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