Mouth Guards, Improv, and Sex Work

February 23, 2026·22 min·2 clips

Hayes finds his $800 night guard trapped under his mattress and puts it right back in his mouth.

The episode begins with Hayes and Em introducing themselves: Hayes is a software engineer and Em is a tutor who self-describes as someone who professionally rolls around in the mud. They immediately acknowledge they have only 30 minutes of their reserved 90-minute recording block left because Em arrived half an hour late with an iced coffee. Hayes launches into the story of his $800 custom dental night guard, received after a dentist identified tooth grinding related to chronic pain. On the first night Hayes drools excessively, takes the guard out in his sleep without remembering, and loses it for over a week. He wakes in the night to a shooting pain in his back caused by the guard trapped between his sheet and mattress, and half-asleep puts it directly back in his mouth without cleaning it. Em points out throughout that an Amazon sports mouth guard costing twelve dollars would have served the same purpose, requiring Hayes to buy more than 50 of the cheaper version before the $800 investment would break even. This leads to discussion of sensitive teeth, cough syrup as a flavor metaphor for disgusting things, and grinding as a symptom of anxiety and chronic pain rather than a simple habit. Em then shares that they have been on testosterone therapy for one week and are already experiencing a notably overwhelming increase in libido, well ahead of the medically cited three-to-four-week timeline. Em describes developing a parasocial fixation on an OnlyFans creator in Montreal and runs through a series of increasingly elaborate and inadvisable schemes for making contact, including possibly starting their own OnlyFans. Hayes, who identifies as largely asexual, provides grounding perspective while noting Em seems to already know the answer. The episode also covers Em's improv comedy classes, including the specific awkwardness of sharing scenes with their mother and the implicit restrictions that places on character choices, such as a character who frequents brothels. Hayes discusses his upcoming two-hour drive to western Massachusetts for a friend's gallery opening he is obligated to attend for its full duration despite knowing no one. The hosts sign off noting they have no social media yet but plan to eventually, and that their next guest will be a urologist.

As heard by us

A scrappy banter show that turns small embarrassments into the bit.

Good Sports Podcast opens as a self-aware two-host debut, with Hayes and Em trading quick banter about software engineering, tutoring, improv, and the limits of their recording setup.

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Why you'd press play

If a mouth guard can become a moral crisis, this one is for you.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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