Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy · David Burns, MD

Dating Part 1: the (Dreaded) Dating Apps!

June 16, 2025·1 hr 18 min·5 clips

Jacob teaches how rejection training can turn fear into a superpower for dating.

Dr. Rhonda Borowski hosts this episode with Dr. David Burns, a renowned psychiatrist and author, alongside guests Jacob Tauri, a psychiatrist, and recent graduates Sydney and Sophie. The conversation focuses on the psychological and practical challenges of modern dating, specifically through apps. Dr. Burns shares that 60% of his therapy patients sought help due to struggles with finding loving relationships, which motivated this series. Sophie and Sydney describe feeling overwhelmed by algorithmically curated options and the difficulty of discerning others' true intentions, such as seeking hookups versus long-term relationships. Jacob recounts using numerous apps from 2012 to 2020, dating hundreds of women before entering his current monogamous relationship. A key frustration discussed is apps like Hinge creating a "rose" feature, which paywalls access to highly compatible matches and makes dating feel commodified. The guests note that while apps can simplify queer dating by removing guesswork, they also risk making people feel disposable. Jacob advises treating matches as full humans, avoiding ghosting, and moving conversations to in-person meetings quickly to prevent endless messaging. Sydney and Sophie highlight the cultural pressure for feminine individuals to be pursued rather than to initiate, though apps can lower the barrier to making the first move. A surprising insight is Jacob's practice of "rejection training," where he deliberately seeks rejection with clients to desensitize them and reduce social anxiety. Sophie reveals a protective mindset where she sometimes avoids deep connection on apps, so any rejection feels less personal. The group agrees that being specific in one's profile about desires, like seeking monogamy or stating you have children, can efficiently filter matches. Jacob finds dating fun, sometimes going on three dates a day, and recommends creative, activity-based dates like mini-golf over standard coffee meetings. The conversation reveals that many dates transition into lasting friendships, which participants view as a valuable outcome. Dr. Burns mentions his book *Intimate Connections* and aims to update its principles with contemporary dating app dynamics. The tone is conversational, educational, and supportive, blending personal anecdotes with therapeutic advice. The style is informal and workshop-like, with hosts and guests sharing experiences as peers. Listeners struggling with dating app fatigue, rejection sensitivity, or confusion about modern romance would find this episode relatable and full of actionable strategies. Those seeking a highly structured, clinical lecture on cognitive behavioral techniques might find the free-flowing discussion less directly applicable.

As heard by us

A candid look at dating apps, roses, rejection, and the way being turned away can linger.

It treats dating apps less like a product pitch and more like a mess of fees, blocked access, and the strange little rituals people use when they are trying to get noticed.

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Why you'd press play

Press play if dating apps have started to feel like a small, expensive humiliation machine.

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