DIY MFA Radio · Gabriela Pereira

437: The Freedom of a Pen Name and the Power of Voice in Memoir - Interview

·40 min·3 clips

An anonymous call accused Carolyn Hayes of child abuse simply for supporting her transgender daughter.

This episode of DIY MFA Radio features an interview with award-winning author Carolyn Hayes, who discusses her memoir "A Girlhood: Letter to My Transgender Daughter." Hosts Gabriela Pereira and Lori Walker explore Hayes's writing process and her decision to publish under a pen name. Hayes wrote the book as a direct address to her daughter, inspired by works like Ta-Nehisi Coates's "Between the World and Me." The memoir details how Hayes and her husband, Yankees living in the Bible Belt, supported their youngest child's transition a decade ago. An anonymous call to child services accused them of abuse for affirming their daughter's gender identity. Hayes weaves in research on science, history, and culture, including figures like a 19th-century British trans man who performed a successful cesarean. She explains her revision process, breaking dense historical sections into smaller, story-driven moments to maintain pacing. Hayes notes the book became more urgent as laws emerged, like in Texas, investigating parents of trans kids for child abuse. She shares that writing under the pen name Carolyn Hayes provided creative freedom and emotional distance, making the first draft more vulnerable. Hayes describes the memoir's structure, starting with a prologue about the knock on the door, written last, to create narrative promise. She used techniques from fiction, like scene-writing and pacing, to shape the true story. A surprising insight was that scenes she anticipated as traumatic to write were not, while recounting community support—like letters and a principal risking his job—was emotionally overwhelming. Hayes emphasizes taking notes during life events as crucial raw material for memoir. She views each writing project as a new craft lesson, stating "each novel teaches you how to write it." Her husband contributed by modeling a father's journey from insecurity to acceptance. The conversation is educational and craft-focused, with Hayes offering specific techniques like using a "you" pronoun for intimacy and gender neutrality. The tone is conversational and reflective, blending personal narrative with practical writing advice. This episode would deeply interest memoir writers, parents, and advocates interested in LGBTQ+ narratives and the craft of personal storytelling. Listeners seeking purely fiction-focused writing tips or those uncomfortable with personal family narratives might find less relevance.

As heard by us

A writing conversation about notes, scenes, and how a chosen name can lower the stakes.

Carolyn Hayes treats writing as something that starts well before a first draft. Notes, scraps on the wall, and quick captures on a phone all matter here, because she rarely begins from nothing and can tell when she is already inside a scene.

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Why you'd press play

You want writing advice that starts before the first draft.

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