My Son, Casey, Explains How My Changing As A Dad Affected Him #560

February 6, 2026·41 min·3 clips

Kirk Martin discovered that changing his own behavior, not his son's, was the key to ending power struggles.

Kirk Martin hosts this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast, featuring his adult son Casey and guest interviewer Joe Sanok from The Practice podcast. The conversation focuses on Casey's perspective on Kirk's transformation from an authoritarian father to a calm parent. Kirk describes his initial parenting style as mirroring his own father's military, "my way or the highway" approach, which led to constant conflict with strong-willed Casey. Casey identifies a distinct shift in his father's behavior when he was between eight and ten years old, marking a move toward greater patience and understanding. Kirk explains his pivotal realization that he needed to control his own reactions instead of trying to fix his son's behavior, which he admits was initially a selfish dynamic. A key analogy shared is that parents should approach a child's issues like an ER doctor stabilizing a patient—calmly assessing the situation before problem-solving—rather than escalating emotionally. Casey highlights learning humility from watching his father change long-established patterns to improve their relationship. Kirk advocates for a middle-ground parenting style that is both calm and authoritatively tough, contrasting it with permissive, overly sweet approaches that some men reject. The discussion critiques the online binary of toxic masculinity versus passive men, arguing for a nuanced blend of strength and emotional openness. Kirk observes that younger generations of men often demonstrate greater emotional intelligence, maintaining vulnerable friendships and work-life balance earlier in life. A practical strategy discussed is giving children three options when asked to do something: compliance, refusal, or respectful advocacy for a compromise. Casey shares how he earned a later curfew by consistently coming home early to build trust with his parents. Kirk emphasizes treating children with the same respectful problem-solving one would use with colleagues at work, rather than issuing immediate consequences. The hosts encourage fathers to bond with sons by taking genuine interest in their hobbies, even if they dislike them, and by asking sons to teach them something. For adult sons, Casey advises approaching fathers with humility and curiosity about their different life experiences to foster understanding. The tone is conversational, educational, and reflective, blending personal storytelling with practical parenting advice. This episode would deeply resonate with fathers seeking to improve their emotional regulation and connection with their children, especially those with strong-willed kids. Listeners primarily interested in mother-centric parenting strategies or purely child-development science might find less direct relevance.

As heard by us

A grounded parenting talk about clear boundaries, trust, and earning flexibility.

This parenting conversation lands on a plain idea: when adults treat every disagreement with kids as a test of obedience, they make life harder than it needs to be. The better move is to leave room for yes, no, or a calm, respectful case for why a rule should bend.

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Why you'd press play

A parenting talk that gives you a better script for the next curfew fight.

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