Erin writes 'I'm sorry' in blood on her brother's washing machine after failing to slit her wrists.
Erin Jackson-Hill opens by reflecting on her childhood love for Barbies and early decision not to have kids, contrasting with her father's joke about choosing between children and a sports car. By her mid-30s, she had achieved material success with a car, house, husband, and job, but was coping through overwork and heavy drinking of Bacardi Limon. By age 45, she became unemployable, headed for divorce, and a binge-drinking alcoholic, despite coming from a stable, loving family she calls the 'Black Brady Bunch.' On June 30, 2018, after days of drinking at her brother's house, she attempted suicide with a rifle and knife, ultimately writing 'I'm sorry' in blood on a washing machine. She then walked to her parents' house, where she confronted her father and was hospitalized in the psych ward at Providence. A black female counselor intervened, warning that 'faking it until you make it' would kill her, leading Erin to enter inpatient rehab at Prosperity Wellness Center in Tacoma, Washington, with a sobriety date of July 1, 2018. During the wait for rehab, she feared losing Medicaid amid ACA repeal efforts and attended a rally at Lisa Murkowski's office, where she found her voice and led chants. Post-rehab, she took a job recruiting for ICE, which conflicted with her beliefs, while living with her parents and finalizing her divorce. An advocacy trip to Washington D.C. allowed her to speak at the Capitol and meet heroes, culminating in a moment at the Lincoln Memorial where she stood where Martin Luther King gave his 'I Have a Dream' speech. This experience gave her a sense of purpose to empower others and advocate for social justice. She later secured a grant with business partner Mita DeWitt for social justice organizations. Recovery enabled her to support her brother through cancer to death, make her mother's last years golden before her passing in July, and make her father proud daily.
