Turtles on Vacation

·46 min·4 clips

A turtle couple argues about chaise lounges and pond water at an all-inclusive resort.

The episode begins with host Kevin Pollak introducing the improvisers: Chris Alvarado, Craig Kakowski, James Heaney, Atul Singh, and Mark Gagliardi. They perform a series of improvised scenes based on listener suggestions. The first scene, 'Turtles on Vacation,' follows a turtle couple at an all-inclusive resort, where the husband, Professor Babe, becomes jealous after his wife interacts with a human consultant. This leads to Professor Babe attempting to buy a rifle, culminating in a chaotic keynote speech where he threatens the human with a gun. The second scene, 'Milking Oats,' revolves around a Starbucks that has run out of oat milk, involving debates about barista acronyms, a magic cow, and a crossover to a Coffee Bean. The third scene, 'Flags,' features a free legal aid booth where lawyers and 'other legal people' give bizarre advice, including that 'all's fair in love and war' south of a river, and involves a subplot about a barista who fathered a cow-human hybrid. Throughout, the improvisers weave recurring themes like hazelnut confusion, all-inclusive resort rules, and absurd legalities. The episode concludes with credits and announcements about live shows, maintaining a fast-paced, comedic tone.

As heard by us

An oat-milk order tangles hazelnut syrup and sugar-free confusion into a precise little verbal mix-up.

A coffee order gets snagged on one small question: when the customer asks for oat milk and hazelnut, "sugar-free" is taken to describe the coffee instead of the syrup.

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Why you'd press play

You get to hear an oat-milk coffee order wobble under one tiny sugar-free clarification.

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